imprisoned

he is a prisoner - trapped in a deep, dark abyss, calling to me unconciously. i hear his voice, though no words have been spoken. searching for him, drawn mysteriously by his intense spirit, i fall and find him, an astonishing man - filled with love and despair.

we share our dreams, our fears and our hopes. as i pull myself out of the darkness, i want him to come with me, and show me the world through his eyes and experience the beauty of the world that he has forgotten. he says that it's hopeless - liberation from his captivity is impossible.

i manage to come out of the abyss. there are people all around, but no one is trying to help. i am bewildered. i desperately search for rope, and throw it down to him. it is a strong rope, one that i know will not unravel. grabbing the rope, he slowly starts to pull himself up.

with all my strength, i pull as hard as i can from the other end, only i am not strong enough. exhausted, i start to lose my grip. the ropes have burned my hands so much that i am forced to let go.

he falls and takes the rope with him. discouraged and very angry, i realize that i have failed him. where i saw hope, there is now dissappointment. i beg him to try again, start over - we can do better. filled with overwhelming doubt and hesitation, he refuses.

despair gets the best of him. i plead with him to throw the rope back to me. but realize that i cannot promise that i will not fail him again - only that that i will try to hold on as long as i can. even if i don't have the strength to pull him up, i will never leave him alone.

he decides to try again, but we are both fearful. nevertheless, he starts to pull himself up again. only this time, he watches me closely, and every time he senses that i am tired or frustated - he lets go. he no longer trusts my sincerity or conviction.

as i wait for him, i slowly realize that his imprisonment is self-imposed. if i pull him out, he will inevitabley jump back in.

i look around again at the people nearby. i finally understand that they are merely waiting for him - eager but waiting. he seems to have convinced himself that he is happier alone, disillusioned in his well of solitude.

i am overcome by helplessness, i want him to be free, to walk with me. but he refuses my help. my head tells me that i need to move on, trying to convince myself that he doesn't want me there.

because my heart is stronger because it has been touched by his fervent passion and emotion, i decide to stay close to his dungeon. so that when he needs me, i can get to him quickly. he does call sometimes, but never wants to come out of his confinement. i do my best to check on him whenever i can - but i am fearful with every visit, that it will be the last..