why i love assholes

ok we've all heard this before, right? why do women love men that are jerks? i can't speak for the entire female population, but i can sure as hell speak for myself. let me explain though - i use the term "asshole" because that's the noun of choice used by other people. but in most cases, assholes are just strong people with strong feelings, that let you know about them.

(one more clarification - i am speaking mostly about men here. i will have to cover women, and the "bitch" idea later).

with an asshole, what you see is what you get. they speak their mind, and if you're wrong - they'll tell you, frankly, that you're wrong. they don't care if their opinions differ from the norm, and they will always tell you exactly what they think. this is not to say that this characteristic, if not controlled, won't hurt them socially or professionally. because, i think that's pretty obvious. (now that i think of it, everyone i could remotely classify as an asshole is usually self-employed or trying to become self-employed. AND mostly single. hmmm? that can't be a coincidence).

please understand that the type of asshole that i'm referring to isn't mean, just to be mean. they just speak without hesitation. and to some people, if you're not extra sensitive to how your words affect other people, you're an asshole. ironically, most of the time the reality is that they hit a nerve, or they've called someone on something that is totally on point - and people get defensive. so is it necessary to check people like that? no. but i have found that the kind of assholes i like - usually only call people out because they deserved it. and usually, they are saying exactly what everyone is thinking, but scared to say. that's pretty cool, in my book.

BUT there are other people who are just horribly bitter, angry, condescending and outright mean. that's not the kind of asshole that i love.

what is tough though, is that assholes are usually a package deal. they usually come with short tempers, extreme mood swings, and a definitive lack of patience.

first - the tempers. man, they're like those little pop rockets sometimes. one little tug and BAM! (but without the pretty confetti) something as simple as a person crossing the street too slow could set them off. they are very reactive. have an emotion, and express it immediately. but as quickly as they boil, they usually calm down just as easily. how do i deal? i get silly. playfulness almost always works. once they smile, they forget what they were pissed off about. one guy that i dated had horrible road rage. so my joke was that it was a conspiracy, and that i was the leader. i would jokingly tell him that i would tell stupid drivers where were going so they could cut us off, or drive slow - just to get to him. eventually, it became a private joke and very funny.

lack of patience - this one is hilarious. for some reason there are people out there that just cannot fathom the idea of naivety, detachment or stupidity. the fact that someone just doesn't know or doesn't care seems impossible. this is the mind of an asshole. again, remember - they feel everything with every fiber of their being. so, if they care about the ozone layer or starving kids in africa - they don't understand why other people don't care - or could possibly know nothing about it. this one's a tough one to overcome. . . i just shrug my shoulders and nod my head - because sometimes (shhhh.... don't tell), I don't know what they're talking about.

some would say that people who lash out are selfish. that they have no regard for other people's feelings. that may be true. but i guess i see it differently. i believe that all people have different unspoken roles in families, social circles and other relationships. a lot of people need someone there to ignite your spark, make you angry, and make you act. you don't know how many times i've gotten into an argument with someone and then turned around and accomplished something just to prove them wrong. at the end, who really won? i did.

i have to admit though, sometimes it's hard not to take things personally. because when people are enraged, they say things they don't mean. but usually, i am clear-headed enough to see the situation for what it is. i'm not saying it's ok to take any type of abuse, but sometimes you have to be able to step back and take a better look. we all have friends that we make accomodations for - this is just another accomodation.

now, that's all the negative stuff. but just like with anything in life, you gotta take the good with the bad. if i want honesty, brutal as it may be - i can always get it.

as for positives, yes there are a few. the best one? assholes tend to be very passionate people. if they didn't care about what they were talking about - they wouldn't talk about it. they usually have a huge capacity to love and to protect. a lot of the fits of anger - come from genuine concern. the depth in their feelings causes their emotions to be very extreme.

there's an old quote that i remember that says something like the deeper the hole that is cut into your heart - the more room you will have to fill it with love. that's true of anyone, depending on how you look at it. and for "assholes" that passion that sparks them to slap you in the face with a comment, is also the same passion that will make them jump to defend you or protect you or better yet. . . to love you.

their loyalty is usually beyond description. i cannot tell you how many times i have been hurt by someone or felt upset - and my asshole friend - was the first to take my side, sometimes without a thought to even ask if I'm right or wrong. the fact that i was hurt was enough for them to react - and defend. also, their compassion for the underprivileged is surprisingly deep. they are always quick to defend those who can't speak for themselves, and they are forever the champion for the underdog.

last but definitely not least - they're not dumb. on the contrary, they're usually pretty intelligent people. that's a hard pill to swallow for victims of their tirades. but you have to realize, that's why they can argue so passionately. they usually know what they're talking about. and won't bother to argue a point they can't verbally support. so be careful, because if you plan to make any sweeping generalizations, don't expect to walk away unscathed. but if you can actually hold your own in verbal banter - you're in for a great debate.

please understand, that i'm not making excuses or romanticizing their actions. actually, i don't think i have to. there are people out there that don't deserve a second thought, when they are mean. but, i guess i try to look a little further sometimes - because i have been fortunate enough to actually get to see the tender side of some of these "assholes" and what they bring to my life far outweighs any flighty comments they may make. honestly, i'd take one asshole over 2 or even 3 "nice" guys, anyday. i guess you'll understand once i write a blog on why i hate wimps.

Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things. - Denis Diderot

"..the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing,but burn,burn,burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars..." (Jack Kerouac)