my first blog

ok, i finally had to give in - i have now joined the blogging world. i thought about going through friendster, but thought that it would suck to have my thoughts just out there for anyone to be able to just click onto.... though i know, anyone could find my blog here, at least, it's a little more discreet.

i tried to stay connected through emails, since the larger portion of my nearest and dearest live in different timezones (and don't get updates on my latest adventures). but, it seems that it's better to put my thoughts out there, so people can CHOOSE whether or not they'd like to know what I'm thinking or doing..... and i can still (sort of) choose who i share them with too. who knows, maybe i'll never share this with anyone . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . nah, that wouldn't be like me at all.

for me, it's like me keeping a journal.... simple as that.

so, here i am 32, celebrating my birthday all week. at first the anticipation of getting older seemed somewhat generically depressing. i'm a woman, not married, not even in a relationship - i'm supposed to be depressed, right? (especially since it seems that all those nearest and dearest i referred to? they are ALL either married, with kids, popping out babies this year or getting engaged.)

ironically, as the date drew closer, i actually found a strange sense of excitement about it. someone told me once, that being single in my 30's would be the best years of my life. i could never believe that possible, because for me - college was the best. a time of self-development, figuring out who i was to become, what i believed in, who i could trust, and above all - partying like nothing else mattered.

but sitting here now, i realize that i actually feel pretty euphoric (no there were no illegal substances involved). the happiest years of my life thus far were my years of trying to figure out who i am.... now i know who i am, and i'm learning to build upon it, and i'm still able to change and grow and it feels freakin great. just this past weekend, i learned something about myself that i didn't like, and i started working on it. one of my dearest friends told me yesterday that it was something that she always thought was cool about me that i could recognize my own faults... a great compliment, in my opinion.

the best part of my birthday? the phone calls and emails that i got. i heard from old friends, new friends, people that i had lost touch with, people that i didn't even remember, and it felt so good. (i think the friendster announcement helped). it was like taking a sip of cognac, when you feel it slowly warming the inside of your body. amazing feeling... to realize how lucky you are, to have had such great people in your life.

i've said this a million times, i am who i am because of my friends, because of what they've taught me and what they have brought to my life. my parents set the mold, they gave me the skin and the bones - but my friends, they filled in all the rest.... and i love them for it. and as i turned 32 this year. that's what i was the most thankful for.

A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. ~Lois Wyse