old friends

what is it about old friends that just gives us that warm fuzzy feeling? i have friends that i don't see for YEARS, and when we get together, it's like no time has passed. there's something profound that happens when we reunite. they make me feel grounded, and reassure me that all the obscure things that i contemplate are not crazy. they reassure me. they remind me of who i am, of the things that i love about myself, and mostly - there's an unspoken understanding, a silent affirmation.

something strange i have noticed though - that in college, i had a better balance of male and female friends. since moving to LA - that has shifted to almost mostly male friends. everyone says it's because i think like a guy or that i'm a tomboy. i beg to differ. (just because i don't spend my life searching for shoes or don't obsess about the newest louis vutton purse - doesn't mean that i'm any less of a woman. i'm just a different kind of woman). i just think it's harder to connect with people as we get older, and even harder for women, because female relationships involve a lot more depth, and the necessity to risk vulnerability.

i've had this discussion with a lot of my male friends. they're always trying to encourage me to make more female friends. and i have to keep telling them - it's not like i don't try. but i also don't think it should take this much effort. it should be natural.

however, as i look around me, most women that i meet are still closer to their old friends, and still not really connecting with a lot of new people - JUST LIKE ME. honestly, i think it's just age. the older we all get, the more there is to explain about our lives, and it's just too hard. with guys, it's so much easier, you hang out, you party - and if the opportunity comes up - you share. there isn't a need to swap life stories in order to get to know one another. it just happens. and guys usually talk about things that don't involve depth or history or feelings, so the relationship tends to develop slowly.

i can't say that i don't wish i had more women friends. i do. but like i said, it has to be natural. there has to be a shared philisophy of life, in some respect. i can't stand high maintenance women and despise jealousy and pettiness. but most of all - i want to surround myself with people that have energy, passion and conviction. so, with those pros and cons in mind - a lot of red flags pop up when i meet other women in LA. with my 4 closest girlfriends, there are little specks of my pet peeves. but there's an acceptance that has developed, and i don't even notice things that would usually bother me.

so what is so great about my "sistas?" the four of us are as different as night and day. we are spread out from Biloxi to Saigon. we have different tastes in men, but a shared love of food and laughter. i can proudly say that my gal pals are all strong women, very self-assured and confident in their own identity. even in college, there was not the competition or cattiness that you normally see. sure, we had our share of drama here and there, but nothing like what you would expect. and the drama was NEVER with each other. all of us were different, and unique in our own way. and we valued and embraced that in each other.

the best part is that there are no filters. comments that i make in jest are taken that way. serious comments are respected. they know where i'm coming from, and know that no matter what we say or do - there's an understanding that it's never ill will. also, we've been around each other enough to know our "hot buttons." so, it's funny to look over at my friend and know, without a single word, that something someone did or said - just totally annoyed the shit out of her.

there's also this strange air of silliness that comes over me. anyone who knows me, already knows that i love to laugh. but get me around my "sistas" and that goofiness is taken up a few notches. wait till you see us karaoke together. get us talking about crazy stories, and we will be rolling on the ground, but trust me - you'll have no idea what we're laughing about. . . because in most cases - "you had to be there."

don't get me wrong, i love the friends that i've made in LA, but it's just so damn difficult sometimes to try to find common ground, to get close to people without having to disclose your entire life history. i also think a lot of close friends are born from bad times. you get through a difficult situation together, and inevitably - you develop a bond. so, i guess i should just be happy with the fact - that i haven't had too many bumps on road of life lately?

To know someone here or there with whom you can feel there is understanding in spite of distances or thoughts expressed. That can make life a garden. (Goethe)

I shot an arrow into the air, It fell to earth, I knew not where; For so swiftly it flew, the sight, Could not follow it in its flight. I breathed a song into the air, It fell to earth, I knew not where; For, who has sight so keen and strong, That it can follow the flight of song? Long, long afterward, in an oak, I found the arrow, still unbroke; And the song, from beginning to end, I found again in the heart of a friend. (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)